I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
