The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
