you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
