My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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