clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
