Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
