I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
