I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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