im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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