I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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