But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
