wakey wakey hands off snakey
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
