I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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