Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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