I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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