is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
