smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize