Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
