I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
