piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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