Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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