I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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