Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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