Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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