My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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