All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
