and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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