you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
