My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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