Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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