hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
