i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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