I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
