he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
