The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
