did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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