you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
