one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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