I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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