brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
