im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
