New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
