He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
