please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
