UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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