I want you more than these girls want KFC
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
