I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
