we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
