Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
