How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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