I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize