i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
