this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
