i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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