Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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