Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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