Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
