There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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