so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
