two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
