Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
