What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
